# Colonoscopies?



## orvis1

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has ever gone before!" 
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married." 
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..." 
8.. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!" 
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 
12. "O my God, now I know why I am not gay." 
And the best one of all.. 


13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"


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## proutdoors

I want to laugh, but I can't. I turned 40 a few months back, and have delayed this on lame excuses, now my wife has set up my first encounter for next month. I may never recover, my worst fear is afterwards I will see the world as Zim does, NOT GOOD! -)O(-


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## sagebrush

Pro do not worry you still have 10 more years to go, it usually is not done until your 50th birthday. 
worst part is sitting on the john (toilet) all day


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## proutdoors

More and more 'experts' are recommending this be a yearly endeavor starting at age 40. I am sure with my avoidance of ALL things green, I have NOTHING to worry about, so I rationalize putting it off, but the wife seems to think I should follow the "better to be safe AND sorry" mantra.


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## CC

proutdoors said:


> I want to laugh, but I can't. I turned 40 a few months back, and have delayed this on lame excuses, now my wife has set up my first encounter for next month. -)O(-


Can we expect any mailers about your grand opening? _(O)_


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## proutdoors

CC said:


> proutdoors said:
> 
> 
> 
> I want to laugh, but I can't. I turned 40 a few months back, and have delayed this on lame excuses, now my wife has set up my first encounter for next month. -)O(-
> 
> 
> 
> Can we expect any mailers about your grand opening? _(O)_
Click to expand...

No, but I may ask to cuddle afterwards. :shock:


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## threshershark

Looks like you'll be putting yourself in the hands of a probackdoor. Tell him that if he's gonna ride your @$$ the least he can do is pull your hair.


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## .45

threshershark said:


> Looks like you'll be putting yourself in the hands of a *pro*backdoor. Tell him that if he's gonna ride your @$$ the least he can do is pull your hair.


Good one thresh !!!!.. :lol: :lol:


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## proutdoors

Are you talking about my back hair. or the hair on my as...?


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## Nibble Nuts

I've heard many men that go in to have a colonoscopy come out as democrats.


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## proutdoors

Nibble Nuts said:


> I've heard many men that go in to have a colonoscopy come out as democrats.


That is my biggest fear.


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## NHS

You shouldn't have anything to worry about Pro. I had one a year ago this last summer, and I'm only 35. I was under a general anestetic so I didn't feel or remember a thing. The worst part is the putrid poopy preparatory purge. When I came to, the Dr. said, "As long as we had you under, we went in from the top end and took a look at your stomach as well." I was afraid to ask if they did that _before_ they went in from the bottom end. I guess what I can't remember, can't hurt me. -)O(-


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## callofthewild

proutdoors said:


> Are you talking about my back hair. or the hair on my as...?


regargless about what hair he is talking about good luck to you.


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## proutdoors

I don't know, I may feel 'dirty' afterwards, like as if I cheated on the wife or something.  

I wonder, has anyone ever ripped a fart while getting the finger? Just curious. :shock:


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## .45

proutdoors said:


> I don't know, I may feel 'dirty' afterwards, like as if I cheated on the wife or something.
> 
> I wonder, has anyone ever ripped a fart while getting the finger? Just curious. :shock:


Jeez...*Pro !!!!* :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

It's not a 'finger'..it's a 5' cable with one of these _(O)_ on the end of it. It can see what you had for lunch 5 years ago..!!!  

You better start eating your 'greens'.... -)O(-


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## threshershark

There is a scene in the movie "EuroTrip" involving the use of a safe word that comes to mind when reading this thread.


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## RTMC

NHS said:


> I was under a general anestetic so I didn't feel or remember a thing. -)O(-


Roofies?


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## elk22hunter

I've had the finger exam twice. The first one was obviously the most scary and the doc could see my nerveousness and told me that I would be fine and that he was going to use two fingers so I didn't need to get a second oppinion.

The next time, I was at a general MD and was only going in to get my pre-cancer marks on my face froze off. After the face work, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and said "Hey, should I have my prostate checked while I'm here"? He aggreed and the next thing I knew, I was in a vulnerable situation. Two days later as someone asked me why I had scabs on my face, I couldn't help myself and said, "I went in to have my prostate checked and that is where I hit the ceiling fan.


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## dunn_gary

You guys are too funny! :lol: I have only had one, as I put it off as long as I dared. Probably a good thing I didn't wait any longer, as they found polyps and removed them, one being somewhat large. But because of that, I have to go back in for my next one sooner.  

For me, the worst part was drinking that crap that cleans you out. They say drink it with juice, it makes it bearable. Ha! All it did was make the orange juice taste so nasty that I could hardley get it down. And then, you have to take a second dose. :evil: You'd think they could find something that at least tastes decent! :roll: Dealing with the actual cleansing isn't so bad as long as you stay home and close to the john. They normally don't put you completely under, but I usually sleep through these (Ihave had a few endoscopies as well for reflux). But I felt it when they were cutting out the polyps. Problem was, I was too out of it to say something, but not enough to not notice that it HURT! :shock: 

Not to scare you or anything. :twisted:


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## JAT83

I know the feeling! :lol: I had 2 colonoscopies/endoscopies done before I turned 18, can't say they're the funnest things in the world :lol:


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