# Short and to the Point!



## hunting777 (May 3, 2009)

*
After Bob died, everyone gathered at his funeral. Then the minister started to speak: "He was a model husband, a decent man, a terrific father."
The widow then makes a motion for her son to come to her.
"What is it, Mother?" he whispered.
"Dear, go check the casket, I think we're at the wrong funeral..."*

*
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing."
Wife: "What do you mean nothing? You've been staring at our marriage certificate for over an hour!"
Husband: "Yea, I'm looking for the expiration date."
**
**"The new neighbors are so in love," remarks Susan to her husband, "he hugs her, kisses her and strokes her hair. Why don't you do that?"
Husband replies: "Because I don't know her that well." *

*A knock on the door.
"Hello, sir, would you like to contribute something to the old folks home?"
"Yes, actually I would," beams the old man. 
"Mary, put your jacket on and pack a suitcase!"*

*
An elderly couple is walking in the city, hand in hand, when they pass a jewelry store.
The wife turns to her husband with a smile: "Love, would you buy me a chain?"
"Why?" Asks the husband, "Are you tired of being free?"*

*
A woman asks her husband: "What do you like about me the most? My beautiful face or my sexy body?"
The husband gives her a long, appraising look and says, "Your sense of humor." *


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## LostLouisianian (Oct 11, 2010)

True story, I had always told my wife that when she hit 40 I would trade her in for two 20's. When she hit forty she told me that she was in such bad shape that no one would want her on a trade in (she had a lot of medical issues). I agreed with her and told her that is why I took out an ad in the paper that said...Want to trade wife for pickup truck and boat. Truck and boat can be used but should be in working order, send picture of boat. She was amused for maybe half a second. 
But in all honesty I have to keep her around, if it wasn't for her I would be taking the dirt nap since she did get help when I died nearly 8 years ago that brought me back from the dead.


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## hunting777 (May 3, 2009)

LostLouisianian said:


> But in all honesty I have to keep her around, if it wasn't for her I would be taking the dirt nap since she did get help when I died nearly 8 years ago that brought me back from the dead.


If you don't mind me asking, what's the story behind that?


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## LostLouisianian (Oct 11, 2010)

hunting777 said:


> If you don't mind me asking, what's the story behind that?


Long story but short version....had an accident in the driveway, came back in and yelled for help several times. Don't remember anything after last yell...wife said she came down the stairs (everyone else asleep) and I said something about hurting my arm and fell over backwards hitting the floor. She ran down and said I was pale gray. Went upstairs and finally got my daughter awake (she knew CPR and worked in a nursing home). She checked my pulse in neck and wrist no pulse, she checked my breathing and no breathing. I was gone and totally ashen gray. She told my wife to call 911 tell them that I was dead and she was starting CPR. As the paramedics pulled into the driveway I was revived. Estimate was 9 minutes dead. Had my wife not heard my yelling and come down the stairs I would not have been found until at least an hour later by anyone in the house and been dead.


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## hunting777 (May 3, 2009)

LostLouisianian said:


> Long story but short version....had an accident in the driveway, came back in and yelled for help several times. Don't remember anything after last yell...wife said she came down the stairs (everyone else asleep) and I said something about hurting my arm and fell over backwards hitting the floor. She ran down and said I was pale gray. Went upstairs and finally got my daughter awake (she knew CPR and worked in a nursing home). She checked my pulse in neck and wrist no pulse, she checked my breathing and no breathing. I was gone and totally ashen gray. She told my wife to call 911 tell them that I was dead and she was starting CPR. As the paramedics pulled into the driveway I was revived. Estimate was 9 minutes dead. Had my wife not heard my yelling and come down the stairs I would not have been found until at least an hour later by anyone in the house and been dead.


 WOW! crazy, it's good to still have you here. :shock::shock::shock:
I am actually have a friend come in and train my family CPR in the next few weeks. you never know when you are going to use it.


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