# HOW TO START A FIGHT



## Bax* (Dec 14, 2008)

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
gift.

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table. I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My Goodness" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting
the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's
on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50
mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she
saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started........


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## Briar Patch (Feb 1, 2010)

I found those quite humorous, my wife .... not so much!


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## poiboy (Nov 18, 2010)

Loved it, that's some funny stuff right there.


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## proutdoors (Sep 24, 2007)

:mrgreen:


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## wapiti67 (Oct 2, 2007)

oh man...my wife punched me for laughing


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## Al Hansen (Sep 7, 2007)

I showed these to my wife....................and then the fight started. O*-- :rotfl:


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## troutwhisperer (Jan 1, 2009)

LOL!! Standing ovation Bax


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