# Please, a little relief...



## BPturkeys (Sep 13, 2007)

Alright you guys, I know the contagion is big news and all that...blah, blah, blah, but I come to this forum for hunting and fishing news and talk. Our hobbies are what give us balance and peace throughout our lives...

Knowing that about 50% of the hunting/fishing stories I hear on this sight are big fats lies, I still want to hear 'em. I love 'em, I need 'em.

More lies, less Coronavirus, PLEASE


----------



## KineKilla (Jan 28, 2011)

It's March and I got nuthin'. I've got some bigger than life, too strange to be made up hunting stories but to attempt to tell them here, out of context would be a disservice.


----------



## bowgy (Oct 10, 2007)

I saw this little guy on the way home a while back.


----------



## colorcountrygunner (Oct 6, 2009)

I'm gonna go smack a gobbler here in a bit.


----------



## DallanC (Jan 13, 2009)

BPturkeys said:


> Alright you guys, I know the contagion is big news and all that...blah, blah, blah, but I come to this forum for hunting and fishing news and talk. Our hobbies are what give us balance and peace throughout our lives...
> 
> Knowing that about 50% of the hunting/fishing stories I hear on this sight are big fats lies, I still want to hear 'em. I love 'em, I need 'em.
> 
> More lies, less Coronavirus, PLEASE


There are 29 sections of this website forum, The Coronavirus thread is ONE thread in ONE of those forums. You don't have to even open this thread if you dont care about it.

There are about 100,000 other threads on this site alone, you can peruse.

This is a boring time of year, we've discussed animal populations, tags, guns, calibers, how the draw works, when will results be available, poaching, ice thickness, scopes, taxidermists, etc etc ad nauseam. THAT is boring IMO.

This is something new, people find it somewhat interesting. If you dont well /shrug lots of other threads out there. Or go start one on something you are interested in.

-DallanC


----------



## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

BPturkeys said:


> Alright you guys, I know the contagion is big news and all that...blah, blah, blah, but I come to this forum for hunting and fishing news and talk. Our hobbies are what give us balance and peace throughout our lives...
> 
> Knowing that about 50% of the hunting/fishing stories I hear on this sight are big fats lies, I still want to hear 'em. I love 'em, I need 'em.
> 
> More lies, less Coronavirus, PLEASE


You sound like somebody in desperate need of a refreshing anal spritz.


----------



## backcountry (May 19, 2016)

With the extra time indoors I finally learned why Van Morrison references Jelly Rolls so often. 

So much learning to be done.


----------



## BPturkeys (Sep 13, 2007)

johnnycake said:


> You sound like somebody in desperate need of a refreshing anal spritz.


That is a pretty foul mouthed remark. Totally uncalled for, rude and disgusting. Grow Up Johnnycake. My opinion of you just went down about 50 pts.

eu·phe·mism
/ˈyo͞ofəˌmizəm/

a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.


----------



## Vanilla (Dec 11, 2009)

He’s referring to a bidet. Nothing foul or offensive about that. 

And I could not agree with Dallan C any more than I do. Nobody has a gun to your head forcing you to read a thread. 

You really need a swift cold water splash on the colon. Although shipping dates keep getting pushed back, so you might need to put on your patient pants.


----------



## CPAjeff (Dec 20, 2014)

No need to wait for the old swift water splash - taxidermist had the brilliant idea of a garden hose and a 10 setting garden sprayer. Quite refreshing!


----------



## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

It is now even more clear than ever that you need a top of the line, high pressure, heated bidet. The butt paper (or involuntary lack thereof) must have left you a bit crusty and sore. Time for a deep cleanse. Prepare your sphincter.


----------



## taxidermist (Sep 11, 2007)

CPAjeff said:


> No need to wait for the old swift water splash - taxidermist had the brilliant idea of a garden hose and a 10 setting garden sprayer. Quite refreshing!


I just might be using that idea if I don't find some TP soon! Down to the last 4 rolls for the wife and I. Good thing visitors are a thing of the past. I tried using a dollar the other day but got CRAP all over my fingers and now I'm out 4 quarters down the crapper.


----------



## backcountry (May 19, 2016)

taxidermist said:


> CPAjeff said:
> 
> 
> > No need to wait for the old swift water splash - taxidermist had the brilliant idea of a garden hose and a 10 setting garden sprayer. Quite refreshing!
> ...


You may be onto something flushing quarters down the toilet. Could help break down the "flushable wipes" that are clogging up the works in several cities now.


----------



## Critter (Mar 20, 2010)

taxidermist said:


> I just might be using that idea if I don't find some TP soon! Down to the last 4 rolls for the wife and I. Good thing visitors are a thing of the past. I tried using a dollar the other day but got CRAP all over my fingers and now I'm out 4 quarters down the crapper.


Just get the wash cloths out and clean your rear with them. Rinse them out and throw them into a bucket for laundry. Odds are that is what your mom did to clean your rear back when you were in diapers.


----------



## taxidermist (Sep 11, 2007)

backcountry said:


> You may be onto something flushing quarters down the toilet. Could help break down the "flushable wipes" that are clogging up the works in several cities now.


Years ago I worked for a sewer district and wipes were one of the major issues. If a "muffin Monster" or a "chopper" wasn't installed to chop up the wipes, grease cake, women's hygiene products, diapers, etc. it would create all kinds of problems.

Once, while "jetting" a sewer line, a women came out and told us that her kid flushed her wedding ring down the crapper. When we decanted the truck tank at the treatment plan we found the ring. All the diamonds were still attached and she was so grateful when we returned it to her.


----------



## Critter (Mar 20, 2010)




----------



## Jedidiah (Oct 10, 2014)

Both the "how" and the "hello helpdesk may I help you" kind of Indians had some good tricks to help with ablutions sans TP.


----------



## BPturkeys (Sep 13, 2007)

For those of you who can't stop thinking and worrying about Coronavirus, even those among us that are obsessed with anal cleanliness, here's a couple of minutes that might help you get through this human crisis.


----------

