# Divorce agreement



## humpyflyguy (Sep 10, 2007)

DIVORCE AGREEMENT
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S
BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL
VOTE FOR HIM. Dear American liberals, leftists, social
progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et
al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's or the sake
of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process
has made me realize that I want a divorce.... I know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run
its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and
will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's
just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up
to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a
model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably
divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar
portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our
two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it
should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives
can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have
such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like
redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome
to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the
military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you
can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to
move all three of them). We'll keep capitalism, greedy
corporations, parmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall
Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers,
food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and
illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and ********. We'll keep the Bibles and give
you NBC and Hollywood . You can make nice with Iran and
Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer
places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under
assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our
Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley
McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer
be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and
oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station
wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you
can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe
healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The
Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm
sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to
Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue
to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our
name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please
pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative
patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the
spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of
us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen,
Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you
call our country.


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## Briar Patch (Feb 1, 2010)

:-|O|-: 

Nice!

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## KennyC (Apr 28, 2010)

That is beautiful! Where do I sign up. Don't forget we get all the National Parks as well as Football, Baseball, and Basketball. They can keep lacrros.


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