# You know you're a ******* when....



## Bax* (Dec 14, 2008)

These were new to me. Thought I'd pass em along

You Know You’re A ******* When..

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night..
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying ‘Hey, guys, watch this’.
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines’.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


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## GaryFish (Sep 7, 2007)

A few more.

The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
You're an expert on worm beds.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You once had your nipple bitten off by a beaver.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Bikers back down from your momma.
You were shooting pool when your kids were born.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.


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## Bax* (Dec 14, 2008)

You once had your nipple bitten off by a beaver?! That was the best one!


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## Loke (Sep 7, 2007)

Have you ever swapped chewing tobacco while you were kissing your girlfriend?


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## duckhunter1096 (Sep 25, 2007)

Your family tree doesn't branch.


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## GaryFish (Sep 7, 2007)

Loke said:


> Have you ever swapped chewing tobacco while you were kissing your girlfriend?


No. But I did when I kissed YOUR girlfriend!


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## Loke (Sep 7, 2007)

GaryFish said:


> Loke said:
> 
> 
> > Have you ever swapped chewing tobacco while you were kissing your girlfriend?
> ...


That must have been while I was dating your daughter. :shock: -)O(-


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## GaryFish (Sep 7, 2007)

Loke said:


> GaryFish said:
> 
> 
> > Loke said:
> ...


Wow. That would be some serious *******! Great comeback Loke! You are clearly more ******* than me! Wow!


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## Briar Patch (Feb 1, 2010)

The true test ....






:shock: :shock: :shock:


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## Bears Butt (Sep 12, 2007)

I sure do like this forum!!


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## Loke (Sep 7, 2007)

I do work in Lehi. It must be affecting me now.


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