# Ode to Johnnycake



## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

I just received my bidet
I wasn't sure quite what to say
Then I wrote an epistle
It was slick as a whistle
And my clean bum shouted Hooray.

More like a limerick. 

My son also wrote a song from scout camp:

This is the morning routine, the morning routine
keeping our bums wiped nice and clean
You won't find success if your bum is a mess
so keep it clean and pristine.

Bidet will help us find success. So far, very good. Cold water was not an issue. I had a little leak problem on the install where the finger nut was opposite threaded from the toilet hose hookup, but once that was solved, pretty easy to set up. It even has a night light. No excuse for the children to miss now.

It was actually very good and very clean. 

Johnnycake for president. A bidet should have been in the economic stimulus bill.


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## middlefork (Nov 2, 2008)

OMG there will be no end now!


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## RandomElk16 (Sep 17, 2013)

Great.. This is gonna go right to his head (and ***).


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## 3arabians (Dec 9, 2014)

Nothing like looking out for all our butts to create some good karma for his sheep tag!


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## colorcountrygunner (Oct 6, 2009)

I got a little misty-eyed on that one. Thank you so much for sharing. There is so much beauty in the world.


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## backcountry (May 19, 2016)

I vote we change his name to UrinalCake.

I hope he doesn't run my district if this gets all Hunter Games. That may come back to haunt me. And if Karma has its way I'll live in a district making bidets. I'm doomed.


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

caddis8 said:


> I just received my bidet
> I wasn't sure quite what to say
> Then I wrote an epistle
> It was slick as a whistle
> ...


Azzes to Azzes
and an end to the dust
that accumulates silently
in the toilet bowl rust.

For from paper I was raised
to meet my soiled needs, 
But Alass! I see clearly
Use water for the deed!

Through tireless tirade
Ole Johnnycake warred.
In the fight against peasants
he urged, he implored.

Ditch your filthy butt paper!
See the watery Light!
No need to brave Costco,
decline that white fight.

Bidet! Bidet! 
Three cheers for bidets!
Ascend to the heights 
and you too, your buttholes will praise.


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## turkinator (May 25, 2008)

Instead of a bidet I'm thinking of developing some CBD infused toilet paper to calm everyones' azzes down. Anybody have any good ideas of what to call it?


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## Vanilla (Dec 11, 2009)

backcountry said:


> I vote we change his name to UrinalCake.


I second that. All in favor?

Aye!

Motion passes unanimously.

UrinalCake, welcome aboard!


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## Critter (Mar 20, 2010)

turkinator said:


> Instead of a bidet I'm thinking of developing some CBD infused toilet paper to calm everyones' azzes down. Anybody have any good ideas of what to call it?


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

Still not sufficient. 

Water still needed.


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

turkinator said:


> Instead of a bidet I'm thinking of developing some CBD infused toilet paper to calm everyones' azzes down. Anybody have any good ideas of what to call it?


A calm peasant is still just a peasant.

Vanillabean, you and backcountry are gonna get sent to the coal district if you're not careful.


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## Catherder (Aug 2, 2008)

backcountry said:


> I vote we change his name to UrinalCake.


I think he will always be now known to me as "Mr. Tushy".


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## Vanilla (Dec 11, 2009)

Tushycake it is.


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## backcountry (May 19, 2016)

I'm not going to Google a meme for that new name.


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## BPturkeys (Sep 13, 2007)

Hello Vito come get your sweet Johnny Cakes
they seems to be cookin all over this forum
It might be more than just third grade humor
so many innocent members have lost their decorum

I guess there's no problem, or cause for concern 
it's all in good fun, in purgatory you won't burn
But please leave me out of your anal obsessions
Dear Vito will handle it, I won't make the turn


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

BPturkeys said:


> Hello Vito come get your sweet Johnny Cakes
> they seems to be cookin all over this forum
> It might be more than just third grade humor
> so many innocent members have lost their decorum
> ...


A tisket, a tasket
You need to spray your asskit. 
My work is done, 
The water's fun.
Use paper and you'll get yer azz kicked.


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

They're on to Johnnycake.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/com...-paper-shortage-could-change-that/ar-BB12Cp3T


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## CPAjeff (Dec 20, 2014)

Yikes, I never really looked into why bidets were not generally accepted in the US. Now I know why!


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

This is how I imagine all of you peasants right now


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## Critter (Mar 20, 2010)

Looks like someone has been dipping into the Pepo Bismo a little too much.


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

not this guy.....THe whole family converted. No one has used the downstairs John in 3 weeks.


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

caddis8 said:


> not this guy.....THe whole family converted. No one has used the downstairs John in 3 weeks.


I told you it would not disappoint.

Rumor has it Vanillabean is a closet convert-in-waiting, and would have joined us on the heights of cleanliness and anal sophistication long ago had he only realized the truth slightly earlier. But alas, he is now at the mercy of the dreaded WAIT while shipping and manufacturing have been delayed.


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## Vanilla (Dec 11, 2009)

I am in possession of my bidet seat. I need another hose, which should arrive tomorrow or Friday. 

Standby...


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## wyogoob (Sep 7, 2007)

This is my favorite thread.


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

wyogoob said:


> This is my favorite thread.


His return and it's his favorite thread. My month has been made.

Thanks Goob.


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## bowgy (Oct 10, 2007)

My son in law installed a toilet seat bidet on each of their toilets and when visiting them my wife fell in love with them so a month or so ago I put them on my toilets. 

I agree with johnnycake, they are great.

And only $30 to $40 and they only take about 10 minutes to install.


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## Critter (Mar 20, 2010)

Now all someone needs to do is to come up with a blow drier attachment and you folks would be all set.


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

Critter said:


> Now all someone needs to do is to come up with a blow drier attachment and you folks would be all set.


They have them. But those are pricey. I looked.

bidetking.com who knew such a thing existed? Apparently my father in law.


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## Vanilla (Dec 11, 2009)

A nice cool spritz was just what the doctor of jurisprudence ordered today! 

Initial impressions are that I approve.


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)




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## bowgy (Oct 10, 2007)

Check your pressure when installing.


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## johnnycake (Jul 19, 2011)

Embrace the impromptu colonic my friend, 
that comes from the watery burst.

The awakening rush on your soiled rear end,
shall reveal that butt paper's the worst.


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

I hate to sing his praises again, but I must. 

I got back from my parents house while helping them pick and can 54 quarts of green beans. Did a little fishing. Had some car issues. Went to retreive a car that previously had issues and was supposed to be fixed, but alas, twernt. 

While there, I had to subject myself to the peasant way of life. I may purchase one for their house so I don't have to subject myself to that sandpaper.


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## backcountry (May 19, 2016)

Should water come out my nose each and every use or just occasionally?


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## caddis8 (Sep 10, 2007)

If you spend the money for adjustable spray, no water in nose.

If you stick your nose on the stream, then you get water in your nose. If you've had a rough night of beverages (like too much Diet Coke or La Croix Sparkline Water), then you could try a clean out with the sprayer. I'm not sure if there is fecal blow back from normal operations, so do so at your own risk.


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